I was having a conversation today about how fearful we can become when we have created this image in our minds of exactly "How things should be" and when they start developing, it takes on a life of its own and we become fearful because it isn't exactly what we want.
Fear of the unknown or fear of not getting exactly what we want.
In business, we create strategic plans, we have a mission, and a vision. We are passionate about it. We map out how it's going to develop, how we can sustain it, grow it, and where the business will be in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years.
We do the same thing with relationships. We become passionate, have a vision of the direction it'll go, and plan where it'll be in 10 years down the road.
But what happens when we become rigid + inflexible in the process of getting those outcomes?
We talk about Fear all the time, but I rarely hear people identify rigidity + inflexibility in the same conversation with fear.
It comes back to one of my favorite topics of interest: Manipulating the How.
What happens when our fear or lack of flexibility blocks us from the realization of what we really want out of life?
In this conversation today, they were telling me that because of what they had envisioned wasn't happening, they almost didn't allow anythingto happen. Fear stops us in our tracks. I found myself feeling bouts of fear this evening about something that is in the works. I had to stop and remind myself that the outcome is highly dependent on keeping an open mind, and that open mind is imperative to getting my What + Why's met. I recognized that I felt defensive of my vision-- almost inflexible.
Yesterday I asked you about listing your fears and desires, and what 1 thing could you do to take action to move from the fearful side of the paper to your Bravery side. I want to do a little exercise:
Write down on the top of a piece of paper some goals you may have; personal, professional, whatever.
Draw a line down the center + on the left side I want you to list the ones you feel are in black + white -- e.g. Want a job but it has to be within such + such miles from your home. Looking to buy a new house but it has to have a pool. Looking for a relationship but they cannot have children living at home. What goals are in black + white for you?
On the right side of the paper I want to write down the opportunities you passed on/didn't take/limited/ended because they did not fit into your vision of how you were going to achieve or realize that desire/goal on the left.
Note: I did this exercise just now. Every single one of the goals/desires I felt were mapped in black + white, carved in stone from past experience, or preconceived ideas, whatever, every single one of them, I listed opportunities I passed on that were directly related to each one of those. Some had several opportunities per the goal/desire. Several.
The point is, if we do a little research, chances are there will be things we miss out on because we felt they didn’t fit into our black + white plans or vision. And in many cases, we don’t ever take action. Acting boldly doesn’t always turn out; but that’s exactly how we “fail forward” learning to make the right turns. In many cases, we don’t fail at all. And what you learn along the way gives you the tools to get you to that next level. It’s inflexibility that keeps us from great realizations; the safe route.
I once read by a great leader that he would rather be a hot mess of making it happen, bold action + learn on the fly than a perfectly organized coward. I love that.
It’s Time to Get in the Ring.
What Bold Action will you take today?